Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
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If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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