went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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