I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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