I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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