i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
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I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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