i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
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he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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