I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
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he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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