You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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