Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You did what with his pubic hair?
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