My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize