I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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