shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize