it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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