currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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