Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize