Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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