So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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