Yo dont text me then not text me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize