Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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