wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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