our cab driver is having phone sex.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize