I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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