I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize