I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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