yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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