she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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