He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize