i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize