I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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