We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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