last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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