I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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