apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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