Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize