we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize