shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
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just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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