M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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