I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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