don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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