so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize