I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize