So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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