I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
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This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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