i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize