Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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