Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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