non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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