She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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