Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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