there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
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I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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